haven't done anything

When I was 15 I looked at my life and said, "I haven't done anything yet!"

So I stole a car, smashed into a tree, woke up in hospital wondering how I got there.

When I was 18 I looked at my life and said, "I haven't done anything yet!"

So I took a pile of drugs, went walkabout awhile, arrived back to where I started, wondering how I got there.

When I was 21 I looked at my life and said, "I haven't done anything yet!"

So I got blind raving drunk, hurled my guts out in a gutter, woke up wishing I'd never been born, wondering how I got there and what I'd done the night before.

When I was 23 I looked at my life and said, "I haven't done anything yet!"

So I went from town to town making sex wherever I could, but found no love or home. Wandering, I got nowhere.

On the day I died I looked at my life and said, "I haven't done anything yet!"

But by then it was too late, and I had to start all over again.

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NIGHTMERRIES: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DARKNESS This so-called "book" will chew you up, spit you out, and leave you twitching and frothing on the carpet. More than 60 dark and feculent fictions (read ‘em and weep) copiously illustrated by over 20 grotesque images you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

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MASTRESS & OTHER TWISTED TAILS, ILLUSTRATED: an unholy corpus of oddities, strangelings, bizarritudes and peculiaritisms

FIENDS & FREAKS Adults-only Tales of Serpents, Dragons, Devils, Lobsters, Anguished Spirits, Gods, Anti-gods and Other Horse-thieves You Wouldn't Want to Meet in a Dark Kosmos: 4th Edition

HAGS TO HAGGIS Whiskey-soaked Tails of War-nags, Witches, Manticores and Escapegoats, Debottlenecking and Desilofication, Illustrated

Antares said...

So, believing you hadn't done anything, you went out and did it all! :-D

masterymistery said...

Hi Antares, and then having done everything I then discovered that everything I had done was nothing, in fact less than nothing; and then discovered how much I would have preferred "to be" rather than "to do" or "to have".
Thanks for stopping by.

MM

Brian Miller said...

so just what would you do different? several of these sound like my journey through the late teens early twenties...

Karen said...

Well "you are" so you've managed to get something accomplished.

Shubhajit said...

Ha ha ha! this is a satire for majority of human species.

When i was a kid, i wanted to be big and when I big, i want to be a kid, or bigger, and when I would be bigger, I would perhaps want to be start again..life is like an infinite onion..we peel off scales one by one, hoping to find a base, some definite thing but ultimately find Nothingness.

masterymistery said...

That's a good question Brian, the key question. Another way of asking it is : "if you could be any person, alive or dead, real or imaginary, who would you choose to be?" After much soul searching I discovered that despite all the drama and negative things in my life, I would still choose to be me. Close call though.

Shubhajit, I think one of the "development opportunities" for the human species is to understand the differences, and similarities, between needs and wants, and the fact that wanting something means you have a lack of it so that a badly phrased prayer to the Universe can result in confirmation of the lack rather than satisfaction or fulfilment.

Hi Karen, "I yam that I yam" the great Tetragrammaton, or from Hindu metaphysics, "tat tvam asi" (thou art that). But strictly speaking, I can't take all the credit for the outcome of my birth, though my parents probably tagged me as a changeling early on in life.

And on that note of mystic confusion, thanks all for your comments.
MM

The Real Cie said...

Yeah, Popeye had it right, I Yam what I Yam. I am still dissatisfied by what I haven't made of my life. After my father died I found myself longing so much to go back to being 10 years old. And when I was 10, I couldn't wait to grow up.

masterymistery said...

Hi Cie, it would be great to go back, "knowing what I know now" with or without a copy of the horse racing results (as in bck to the future part 1, 2, or 3) so I could make extravagant wagers, build a huge fortune and rule the world. But that can never be, alas.

I identify strongly with what you say though, though I would add that when I grew up I still felt and thought much as I had done at age 10, and since then I've kept wondering when if ever will I grow up.

And I'm giving myself a "double though" award, for the preceding sentence!

puny human said...

But you didn't die at 23 . . . you survived to, dare I say it, mid . . . mid . . . argh! midlife? And here, look back, look at all you've done! Well done.

masterymistery said...

puny human, 56 in december. And I still haven't done anything (worthwhile, in my own eyes) yet. With the possible exception of helping to bring two new humans into the world. Though the jury's still out on whether it was/is "worthwhile", from their own perspective

And thanks for reminding me to look...