The Seeker asks the Mastress, “How do I become enlightened? And when I am one with the All, will I know that I am, and if not, will I then be foredained to tread the cyclic wheel of existence, hamster-like, until the wrathful deities take pity on my poor benighted soul?”
The Mastress, a nut-brown, gnarled and ancient guru of indeterminate gender and reproachable demeanour, respondeth saying, “Who is this ‘I’ such that tat twam asi, enlichtenkheidt wir ekke consideratum…”
“What the fricking flaming biscuit!” exclaimeth the Seeker, on hearing these mysterious words.
“Ask the next six people you meet; perhaps you may find the answers you say you seek,” replies the Nut-brown imperturbably.
Dissatisfied, the Seeker takes his leave of the Gnarly One and sets his feet on the pathway leading to the Inn of the Flowering Beetle. On his way he meets an old woman sitting in the shade of a cinnabar tree.
Politely, he asks the Crone, “How do you do?”
Respondeth the Crone, “Get lost asshole!”
Nor do the Seeker’s further enquiries meet with any greater success. The responses he receives comprise: “Get a life, Freak!”, “Get a job, Loser!” and “Turn left at Starbucks, Fool!”
The fifth person the Seeker meets is a cruel and disturbing lad named Ragnarok, who answers the Seeker’s enquiry with a curse and a well-aimed rock.
Then, just as the Seeker is about to succumb to despair, uncannily, he encounters the Guru, as creased and corrugated as an old boot with no Botox.
“Mastress!” exclaimeth the Seeker, “It is thee! Or is it thou? The sixth! Thou place thyself in my path! I am blessed beyond reason! By the way, how do I become enlightened?”
The Nut-brown’s eyes twinkle gnarlily as ze responds: “The mighty Iswara, who is the in-dweller in the Cosmic Body, is also the in-dweller in every Jiva. Every Jiva individually is the body of Isvara, just as the Cosmos as a whole is. The ‘Tat’ of the statement refers to Iswara who resides in the Cosmic Body and the ‘Tvam’ refers to the same Iswara who indwells the Jiva and has got the Jiva as the body. All the bodies, the Cosmic and the individual, are held in adjectival relationship in the one Isvara. Tat Tvam Asi declares that oneness of Isvara.”
“Oy vey!” bewilders the Seeker, “Come again, if thee will...”
But the Mastress has already come and gone, and the Seeker is left with the sour taste of ashes in his petulant mouth. Slowly, sadly, resignedly, he walks towards nowhere, futilely attempting to make the sound of one hand clapping.
Continues in MASTRESS & OTHER TWISTED TAILS out now at Amazon: http://amzn.to/1The8AX
The Barbarian horror-hordes are rampaging across the Land, ransacking the wimmen and pillaging their muffins.
In a world gone mad, the cast of crazies includes the Mastress, an ancient and troublesome Guru of indeterminate gender and hazardous loincloth.
Mastress and Other Twisted Tails, is an unfinished, never-ending epic leading nowhere and currently comprising eighteen barbaric chapters:
- Mission to the Interior
- In the Dog’s Arse, Chillin’
- The Mountebank’s Tale
- View From a Shit-stained Boulder
- Meet the Parents
- The Zombification of Bernardo of Albania
- Enlightenment for Dummies
- The Unfortunate Herstory of JillJack the Hermaphrodite
- The Dogs of Death
- How the Wizard Lost his Mojo
- Alfresco Lunching Intense
- Please Freeze Fleas
- The Old One Tells of the Planetary Extinction Event (PEE).
NIGHTMERRIES: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DARKNESS This so-called "book" will chew you up, spit you out, and leave you twitching and frothing on the carpet. More than 60 dark and feculent fictions (read ‘em and weep) copiously illustrated by over 20 grotesque images you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
AWAREWOLF & OTHER CRHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY (Vot could be Verse?) We all hate poetry, right? But we might make an exception for this sick and twisted stuff. This devil's banquet of adults-only offal features more than 50 satanic sonnets, vitriolic verses and odious odes.
MANIC MEMES & OTHER MINDSPACE INVADERS A disturbing repository of quotably quirky quotes, sayings, proverbs, maxims, ponderances, adages and aphorisms. This menagerie holds no fewer than 184 memes from eight meme-species perfectly adapted to their respective environments.
FIENDS & FREAKS Adults-only Tales of Serpents, Dragons, Devils, Lobsters, Anguished Spirits, Gods, Anti-gods and Other Horse-thieves You Wouldn't Want to Meet in a Dark Kosmos: 4th EditionHAGS TO HAGGIS Whiskey-soaked Tails of War-nags, Witches, Manticores and Escapegoats, Debottlenecking and Desilofication, Illustrated