types of mother

  • very small: minimum
  • very large: maximum
  • all smiles and laughter: happimum
  • cries in movies: sappimum
  • changing her baby's soiled nappimum
  • applauds loudly: clappimum
  • neglects her children: crappimum
  • drinks a tonic and ginnimum
  • waiting impatiently: taptappimum
  • won't stop talking: yappimum

Copyright © S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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a rather bad smell in the Centre for Cultural Studies

“Her alabaster thighs spread wide, she cries. Her lover knows her size, astride, he sighs. Within her loins, a rising tide, lovelight blazing from her shining eyes,” the Mountebank paused, tugged his velvet bow-tie nervously. More accustomed to less salubrious joints, he felt out of place in this genteel living room, among these genteel folk, declaiming love poetry, of all things.

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Copyright © S R Schwarz 2007. All rights reserved.

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furiously curious


When it's forty degrees in all areas
and people get sweaty and weary as
they feel the effects deleterious
and get even hotter and furious.
They sulk and nor are they curious
about all that's strange or mysterious
including frostbitten wisterias
for which cold death's not as serious
as other kinds many and various
such as that of the king known as Darius
who was said to be cold and imperious
with teeth all yellow and carious.
Now ain't that fucking hilarious?

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statements about nothing

Each of the statements below has two meanings of which each is opposite to the other. For example, the statement "nothing is nothing" can mean "there is no such thing as nothing, ie nothing does not exist" or "nothing does exist, in the form of the thing we call "nothing"".

  • Nothing isn't everything.
  • Nothing is nothing.
  • Nothing is nothing (except nothing).
  • The smallest thing is nothing.
  • Nothing is the smallest (thing).
  • Nothing is the biggest (thing).
  • Nothing is part of nothing.
  • Nothing is part of everything.
  • Nothing is not.
  • When nothing matters, everything matters (equally).
  • Nothing has any meaning.

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limiting limblessness

Study of Truncated Limbs, painted by Théodore Géricault, 1818/1819 Once upon a tearful sorrow
no child was born intact.
Parents had to beg or borrow
limbs their children lacked.

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names of punnish mince

George loved to gorge himself on fatty foods and wanted Toulouse some weight. So he entered a competition with first prize a year’s Jim membership.

When he received his Bill, he was shocked to see how much was Owen. As the prizewinner, he hadn't expected to pay any fees.

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where am I? alternatively, what am I doing?

my life as a Feynman diagram: my critical path is the sum of all possibilities

According to Heisenberg's uncertainty / indeterminacy principle, certain pairs of physical properties---such as position and momentum, or time and energy---cannot both be known to arbitrary precision. The more precisely one property is known, the less precisely the other can be known. (paraphrased from Wikipaedia).

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