I've had some strange, unusual experiences recently (and 12 years ago) that I don't know what to make of. So I'm just going to provide excerpts from emails I wrote to a person about the experiences.
I'm posting this reluctantly. I don't think it makes for entertaining or even interesting reading, but I'm posting anyway because what happened was/is an important event in my life, if not THE important event, and so therefore belongs in my blog, even if it's boring as batshit!
Excerpts from emails follow:
Here are some rough notes about my recent experiences before coming to your place. The "peak" experience, that is beyond words, the conversation, took place on or around January 15, give or take a day or two.
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> OK, I've been putting off writing this, on the basis that some might think me a raving lunatic! Or at very least, a seriously deluded individual. There's not that much "meat", but you may find it of general interest. Love, S.
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It's been another very interesting day indeed, full of discoveries and connections. I have to admit I've been a bit carried away, swimming in the flow over several days and nights, and am just a little bit exhausted, but in a very enjoyable way!
The last few days have been truly phenomenal. "Phenomenal" is not the right word, and I can't think what the right word is.
The last several days have been [...insert appropriate adjective...]. And yet, even during this time, I continue to "lapse" "back" into "normal" "consciousness". I'm not unhappy about the lapses/contractions, but I must admit that when they happen I sometimes feel slightly disappointed that someone has turned down the volume.
And now my body is reaching a point where it needs to have its needs tended to. I suppose I'd better at least make the effort to get some sleep.
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Things are accelerating rapidly... My "luckiness" has returned: whatever I need, or am looking for, just drops into my lap with no effort. And I mean the little things, as well as the big things. A piece of code for my blog? : no need to go on a major hunt through cyberspace: Bang, stumble upon it "completely by accident" --- As if! Some oil paint colors that are quite rare and expensive: I walk into a shop and there they are, on special, at half price! Completely by accident, of course. etc etc Lots of examples, but let me not get bogged down in the detail. Just some trivial examples,
Another huge realisation for me was that actually, I don't need anything. I already have everything I need. I don't have to carry anything any more. I don't have to fix anything any more. I don't have to solve anything. I don't have to clutch anything, grasp at anything, chase anything. I can just let go. Let it all go... I realised that actually "I have permission" to enjoy life. I'm granting myself the permission. And what a relief it is.
One of the things that I heard in my conversation was that I am now in a completely new phase of my life. This is going to sound very strange, although to you probably it will not! A non-human being said to me that I have been very serious until now, too serious, and that my new phase involves : jokes, fun, humour, light-heartedness, laughing. And I must admit, "jokes" seem to keep popping up into my head. For example:
Student: Teacher, I have experienced being One with the All.
Teacher: You should share your realisation with others.
Student: Teacher, I looked, but I couldn't find any others. Where are they? ===============================================================================
> > What happened was that a being I'm inclined to identify as as a supernatural being, spoke to me, in words. We had an actual conversation.
I CALLED AND an entity came to me and spoke to me. In actual words. An actual conversation. In my mind, of course --- I had no visions or manifestations or ghostly beings wearing white sheets floating in the air. No, no. Nothing like that.
When I say “an entity”, I’m not really sure what I mean. Not God. Definitely Not Jehovah. not even a "god" as such, whatever that really is. Let’s rather go with “non-human being”.
> I know how that must sound. Believe me. A river of adjectives comes flash-flooding into my mind: insane, deranged, megalomaniac-al, arrogant, stupid, desperate, sad, etc etc
> But it did happen. Something truly phenomenal happened.
> I've had one major epiphany before in my life, roughly 10 to 12 years ago. It persisted for a couple of weeks, then faded away, though never entirely --- at least the ideas it engendered never did. The experience of a couple days ago was a thousand-fold more powerful, more intense. Bandwidth times bandwidth times bandwidth. The actual physical sensations themselves were very unusual, exciting and powerful, but that's only a very small part of it. >
The conversation was in my head. I didn't hear voices. I didn't see visions.
> "Will I continue after death?"
> "No. We continue together".
> I lay on the floor weeping rivers of joy, literally. Well, OK not literally rivers, but the volume of the water flowing down my cheeks was pretty astonishing. And at the same time as crying, I was laughing so hard I could have bust my abdomen open!
Then I got told in no uncertain terms that I've been serious for a while, now it's time for the fun, the jokes, the laughter. The Love. The Mystery.
I've been told it's my time now: I'm off. Down tools. I'm on my break! I'm on holiday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I said before I had some family stuff to attend to. Once again, I didn't really understand the meaning of that at the time. Now I think I do.
I'm on holiday now: I'm going with C, my partner, to visit my daughter J and her boyfriend in a little town in the "outback". We're going to do some camping, talking, listening to music, and lots of other stuff. Leaving Wednesday. I can't wait. Those who know me and my background will understand how unusual it is for me to undertake such a visit.
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Since I believe that I have seen a human spirit and I have had some very interesting experiences myself, I certainly don't find any of this to be "ridiculous." I do not believe in the "supernatural," but I do believe that there are parts of nature that we don't fully understand and that our current level of scientific knowledge can't explain. I believe that our psyche, personality, or whatever you call it does survive in some form following the death of the body. And while I long since ceased believing in the "church god," I don't find the concept of some sort of great spirit or non-corporeal beings outrageous in the least.
Faycin, thanks for your comments and support. Everything you say makes perfect sense to me. It's those who deprive themselves of the possibilities who have my sympathies!
Regards, MM.
COMMENTS? Come on... gimme your best shot!