the person is someone else

Good morning. Another day. More pain. More disappointment. More anger.

For a person who has solved the puzzle of life, answered the deepest questions of meaning and purpose and the nature of reality, ze is a pretty unsatisfied, unhappy little person. For a person who considers zirself to be so fucking smarter than anyone else, ze is a pretty dumb little person. Anxious, nervous, depressed. Small and fearful. Fearful of losing zir mind. Fearful of being exposed as a fraud. But most of all, scared to death that zir mask will slip, that zir selfhood will be exposed as false. Ze is frightened out of zir wits that the truth will be revealed. The truth of zir life not being a life but rather a play in three acts: birth, life and death. With everyone else on the planet refusing to suspend disbelief willingly or unwillingly.

Ze cannot stop thinking about masks. Do others wear them? And if so, do they know they wear them? Always? Especially at work? But also at home? In company? And alone? Do others construct their personhood in real time, as ze is forced to do?

Oh, it's a tricky, tricky thing. Frequently, mistakes happen. The mask slips and the fake is exposed. Or is it that the real person is exposed? Who knows? Either way, cheating is exposed. The mask slips: the life is revealed to be an act. The real person behind the mask is exposed: naked and shivering, ashamed and humiliated. Small. Limited. Selfish. Ugly. Stupid. Bad.

It is happening more and more, mainly at work, but also at home. Ze is in a meeting. Someone asks ez a question. Or ze asks a question. Or makes a statement. But before getting to the end of zir train of thought, ze forgets where ze is going. (Often ze embarks on the train without a destination in mind. So really, ze only has ezself to blame. Which ze does.) Sometimes ze stumbles, loses track, loses zir footing before getting to the end of a sentence. The mask slips. The truth is revealed, that the life is not a life, it is a play. That the pro is not a pro but a con. That the person is not a person but a shadow.

That the person is actually not the person. The person is someone else.