Passover: Combat Simulation User Guide

SELECT YOUR AVATAR (ONE ONLY): Moses, Pharaoh, Aaron, Brutal Overseer, Hebrews, Egyptians, Magus, Angel of Death, Courtiers, Army of Egyptian Chariots, First Born Children, Guilt of Jewish Mothers, Plague of Locusts.

BATTLE 1: MOSES VS PHARAOH:

MOSES treads warily around the outer perimeter. He wears a torn and dirty desert robe, and a sweaty headband. CLOSE-RANGE WEAPONS: snakestaff. DISTANCE WEAPON: Plague calling. SPECIAL MOVES: Stone Tablet Hurling.

PHARAOH stands arrogantly in the centre of the arena, adopting the Pose of Anubis. He wears a blood-stained battle-skirt and war-sandals. CLOSE-RANGE WEAPONS: Flail of Osiris, Sceptre of Ra. DISTANCE WEAPON: The Breath of the Mummy. SPECIAL MOVES: heart-hardening.

BATTLE 2: ANGEL OF DEATH VS FIRST BORN CHILDREN

ANGEL OF DEATH floats eerily through the air above the stadium. Ze wears the White Robes of Wrath. CLOSE-RANGE WEAPONS: Icy Finger of Doom. DISTANCE WEAPON: Curse Hurler. SPECIAL MOVES: five point palm exploding heart technique.

FIRST-BORN CHILDREN scamper naughtily around the outer perimeter. They wear shit-stained diapers, woolen booties and fleecy hoodies. CLOSE-RANGE WEAPONS: Wails of Annoyance. DISTANCE WEAPON: guilt tripper. SPECIAL MOVES: thumb-sucking, snot-eating, bed-wetting.

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