Lost, thirst-maddened, flyblown and with feet burnt black, the Seeker wondered the endless desert. Tongue grotesquely swollen, he climbed the highest mountain. Eyes horribly bulging, he swam the deepest sea. For untold aeons he searched and looked hither and thither, high and low... driven by the primeval, urgent, elemental urge to Seek. Seek what? Doesn’t matter. Shaddup.
Lost, the Seeker sought.
Out of time, outside of time encountered he an elderly guru of dubious provenance, indeterminate gender and reproachable demeanour. Gnarled and nut-brown ze wast, perched cross-legged upon a shit-stained boulder, the smell of an oily rag emanating from zer ambiguous loins.
Jubilation rose within the Seeker’s throbberous heart. Humbly on chafed knees approached he the Nut-brown. Then eyes downcast spake he demurely, saying:
“Oh wise one, wizened with wizdom, Mastress of the peaceful and wrathful deities, blessings upon thee to outnumber the very stars themselves. May thy radiance irradiate the very blackest corners of the Kosmos. Verily I quoth unto thee...”
“Oh fer Shiva-sake get on with it,” spake the Guru, “or I’ll quoth thee in thy blackest corners, where the sun never shines!”
“A trillion pardons Mastress, oh Lamp of the World” wailed the Seeker, “please forgive the inadequacies of he who abaseth himself before thee, asking for naught but that thee hearken unto he who beggeth to know how one unworthy even to suck the smegma from thy holy lingam, how such a rank and foul impurity might sully the righteousness of thine presence, and re-emerge, answered and yet invalidated, in the hithertude of transgression?”
Thus enquireth the Seeker of the creased and marbled Mastress, the garrulous guru, the sun-baked samurai of truth, of whom wast previously spake.
“Oh get a life!” responded the Gnarled One querulously, “How can I answer thee when thy very words throttle the very life out of their own meaning itself? Verily! Cease and desist. Thy earnest visage maketh me want to puke! Thy mewling bewilderment poisoneth mine spirit, maketh the magic to winketh out: one moment glittering and alive, the next dull and devoid of spark, unquickened as a rotting dodo. Mine soul shivereth in desiccation. Mine mind wreathed in miasma. Wreaths are mired in mine asthma,” quoth the Nut-brown.
“Jeez, sorry for aksing,” spake the Seeker unto the Gnarled One, then turned and ran down the highest mountain screaming, then dived into the deepest sea sobbing, then wondered the endless desert moaning.
The Mastress watched his departure with a wrinkling, twinkling eye, zer loincloth flapping stealthily in a hazardous breeze, “You’ll be back,” ze said ...
CONTINUES in ...
NIGHTMERRIES: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DARKNESS
This so-called "book" will chew you up, spit you out, and leave you twitching and frothing on the carpet, giggling like a masculated banshee. More than 60 dark and feculent fictions (read ‘em and weep) copiously illustrated by over 20 grotesque images you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
NIGHTMERRIES: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DARKNESS This so-called "book" will chew you up, spit you out, and leave you twitching and frothing on the carpet. More than 60 dark and feculent fictions (read ‘em and weep) copiously illustrated by over 20 grotesque images you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
AWAREWOLF & OTHER CRHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY (Vot could be Verse?) We all hate poetry, right? But we might make an exception for this sick and twisted stuff. This devil's banquet of adults-only offal features more than 50 satanic sonnets, vitriolic verses and odious odes.
MANIC MEMES & OTHER MINDSPACE INVADERS A disturbing repository of quotably quirky quotes, sayings, proverbs, maxims, ponderances, adages and aphorisms. This menagerie holds no fewer than 184 memes from eight meme-species perfectly adapted to their respective environments.
FIENDS & FREAKS Adults-only Tales of Serpents, Dragons, Devils, Lobsters, Anguished Spirits, Gods, Anti-gods and Other Horse-thieves You Wouldn't Want to Meet in a Dark Kosmos: 4th EditionHAGS TO HAGGIS Whiskey-soaked Tails of War-nags, Witches, Manticores and Escapegoats, Debottlenecking and Desilofication, Illustrated