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MASTRESS & OTHER TWISTED TAILS Baron Ludwig von Cuckenhagen had no ears but that wasn’t the greatest of his faults. Nor, indeed, was his gargantuan appetite for raw chicken legs — drum-drums they were called in those peculiar days — on which he daily munched with great aplomb (whatever that means).
CONTINUES in
MASTRESS & OTHER TWISTED TAILS now at Amazon.com. Warning: Immature Content! Adults maybe.
The Barbarian horror-hordes are rampaging across the Land, ransacking the wimmen and pillaging their muffins.
With the sacred Scroll of Cthulhu in their possession, the invincible horror-hordes have totally smashed the Imperial armies and are advancing on the Capital.
With no viable military forces left to confront the invaders, Monstrously fat-buttocked Imperior Holocaustic III must send a small band of infiltrators, the Outcast Mutant Outlaws (Omoze), on a covert mission under cover of stupidity to retrieve the Scroll from the Barbarians and return it to the Tomb of the Old Ones from whence it was took.But this is a Land where the theft of the Scroll has allowed the forces of oddness to emerge in strength. This is a Land where the Barbarian invaders wear white linen nose-aprons to cover their lice-ridden moustaches, where the turds of a psychopathic priest hiss and slither like serpents, and a short-sleeved shirt means having both arms amputated above the elbow.
To succeed in their mission, the Omoze must outsmart the Barbarian Chieftain, Ulrig Hausmarten, who is protected at all times by his beloved Dogs of Death: Dicklicker, Shiteater, Leghumper and Arsesniffer.
In a world gone mad, the cast of crazies includes the Mastress, an ancient and troublesome Guru of indeterminate gender and hazardous loincloth; Clothilde of the Gift of the Tongue, a peasantess who talks with sparrows, nanny goats, pilchards and sphagnum moss; a blind, deaf-mute chicken-whisperer named Beaky Featherstone, and a host of other “strangelings, peculiaritisms and bizarritudes” in every town and village.
- The Evil Sandwich
- End of the Assholes
- Last of the Snow-elves
- Paying for Jim
- Beefing up the Wiffems.
- Boys will be Boys
- Wrath of Grapes, and
- (unfortunately) much more.
- Mission to the Interior
- In the Dog’s Arse, Chillin’
- The Mountebank’s Tale
- View From a Shit-stained Boulder
- Meet the Parents
- The Zombification of Bernardo of Albania
- Enlightenment for Dummies
- The Unfortunate Herstory of JillJack the Hermaphrodite
- The Dogs of Death
- How the Wizard Lost his Mojo
- Alfresco Lunching in Tents
- Please Freeze Fleas
- The Old One Tells of the Planetary Extinction Event (PEE).
NIGHTMERRIES: THE LIGHTER SIDE OF DARKNESS This so-called "book" will chew you up, spit you out, and leave you twitching and frothing on the carpet. More than 60 dark and feculent fictions (read ‘em and weep) copiously illustrated by over 20 grotesque images you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.
AWAREWOLF & OTHER CRHYMES AGAINST HUMANITY (Vot could be Verse?) We all hate poetry, right? But we might make an exception for this sick and twisted stuff. This devil's banquet of adults-only offal features more than 50 satanic sonnets, vitriolic verses and odious odes.
MANIC MEMES & OTHER MINDSPACE INVADERS A disturbing repository of quotably quirky quotes, sayings, proverbs, maxims, ponderances, adages and aphorisms. This menagerie holds no fewer than 184 memes from eight meme-species perfectly adapted to their respective environments.
FIENDS & FREAKS Adults-only Tales of Serpents, Dragons, Devils, Lobsters, Anguished Spirits, Gods, Anti-gods and Other Horse-thieves You Wouldn't Want to Meet in a Dark Kosmos: 4th Edition
HAGS TO HAGGIS Whiskey-soaked Tails of War-nags, Witches, Manticores and Escapegoats, Debottlenecking and Desilofication, Illustrated
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